A Helping of Schmaltz*

So, I got an IM today telling me I should update my blog. Fine, fine, I'll get off my lazy ass (or actually, sit on my lazy ass in front of the computer) and update.

Those Damn Stalking Lesbians

Working retail, one comes across all kinds of people. And trust me, the crazies are aplenty. Last week we had a real winner. She comes in and asks if I know a photographer who'll shoot models. Sure, I say, and go off to look up Joel's number. After I hand her the card, she asks if she mentioned nude photography. At this point, she already had the card in her hand. I asked her who the model was: she said herself. Let me point out that at this point that this woman should not be seen naked. I'm sure many of you are familiar with Carrie's world view: that some people will never be naked in her world. This woman should be added to the list. And to top it off: she's crazy. My co-worker, Kaycee, was helping a little old lady customer, who happened to be a regular customer. The crazy lady asked who was in the store first, her or the old lady. I told her I didn't know. She said the old lady followed her from the post office. She thought she was being "stalked." She gets stalked all the time, that's why she carries pepper spray. Sure enough, there's pepper spray around her neck. (Right now I'm thinking, oh shit, I better call Joel and warn him!) Apparently, crazy lady has problems with "all the damn lesbians" stalking her. Ann Arbor is "full of those damn lesbians" and "we should round them all up and kick all those damned lesbians out." (Now I'm trying to keep a straight face). Eventually the wackadoodle leaves.

And my life in retail goes on....

Ohio State Frat Boys

My favorite (read lots of sarcasm here) are those that come in ten minutes to close (close is 7:00 during the week). Three "frat boys" from Ohio State (how do I know they were from Ohio State? First, only idiots, like those from the armpit state of Ohio would prance around Ann Arbor decked head to toe in Ohio State paraphanalia). They wanted to make cds on the Kodak machine from their digital media cards. But they didn't just want want to copy all the pictures over and make life simple and be out of my store, oh no. They wanted to pick and choose which pictures were put on the cd. So, they dawdled over the Kodak machine and the clock ticked closer and closer to 7:00. One cd done, two to go. Two of the frat boys went next door (to Rite Aid) to get booze. We locked the door behind them while Ohio State nut stayed behind to finish his cd. He had nearly 200 photos to transfer. Tick... tick... tick.... While his photos are transferring he's bragging about Ohio State (I. Don't. Care. I. Want. To. Go. Home.). He picks up some stuff, including a frame. I grab him one in a box, without a display photo in it. He opens the box and asks where the original one is -- he wanted the frame for the photo. First: This is a camera store, not a gallery. You come here to print pictures or buy cameras. Not browse for art. Needless, frat boy wanted the photo. I told him it wasn't for sale. He wanted it. It was my photo, it was past closing, so I told him $20. He asked if for $22 if I'd wrap it. It's 7:15 now, we should have been closed, dropped deposit, and on our way home by now. (No. No mother-fucker I cannot wrap the frame for you.) I tell him I have no wrapping paper. He tells me Rite Aid has wrapping paper. (Then go buy some and wrap it yourself assmunch). "I don't wrap gifts." End of story: his frat boy buddies come back with booze, he buys the cds, and the frame. He pays me for the now signed photo. We leave, close the store and are on our way home: 7:45.

Merry Fucking Christmas **

So, I am sitting here with my offer from the jewelry store in hand and am debating: do I tell Sandie now, give her a few days extra notice, and ruin her Christmas. Or do I wait til Dec. 26th? Either way, I'm leaving. I start at the new place Jan. 17. I'm going to ask to stay on part time (one day a week) at Mel's store. Besides, I'm in the running in a couple of the contests. I could use a trip to Hawaii right about (complete with new camera, lenses, and flashes). The rate of pay at the new store will be an improvement over my current salary (finally, making more than my age! Woohoo!) Either way, this is one awesome Solstice present!


*Schmaltz, for those non-Yiddish speaking bloggies, is, well, Yiddish. Literally, it translates to "chicken fat." More generally, it's used to describe something over-the-top (as in "Oy. What a schmaltzy movie.")

**To quote Mr. Garrison from South Park.